The best-paid teacher in the land

In January, I told my students about a zany plan of mine: to buy a life-size cardboard cut-out of myself. (I like for them to worry that I'm crazy.) I told them how it would simplify my life to have the cardboard Mrs. G monitor the hall while I was catching up with a student who'd been out sick, or to have cardboard Mrs. G stand sentry over sleepyheads while we read Shakespeare. I mused aloud about how fun it would be to put different outfits, and even faces on a giant paper-doll me. Then I added my hidden nanny-cam plot for glowing red eyes on the artificial me, so I'd never need to worry about what was going on when a sub was in my place.

They laughed in ways that ranged from polite to disturbed to rollicking, and we moved on to the finer points of MLA citations. Another scheme of mine forgotten (like the one where I come to school in disguise and insist I'm a substitute). Or not.

Today, my club--the Literary Guild-- surprised me with a year-end gift. They plotted for months and even involved yearbook photographers so that they could make my dream a reality. Today, the club president called an "emergency" meeting so that they could grant my wish. I was near tears. It may be the best gift I've ever received.

I spent the afternoon strolling through the school, arm around my other self, making teachers, students, administrators, custodians envious. Everyone wishes they'd thought of my idea...and had a group of students like my after-school crew. If every day were like today, there would never be a teacher shortage.

Power

Today a student who had just called the principal gay (and not meaning homosexual, but dumb, he later assured me, as if that somehow made it okay) in my earshot, complained about my reaction.

Here's the script:

Student: How do you do that!?

Me: Do what?

Student: Make me feel like the worst person in the world just by looking at me that way.

Me: That's not me, it's your conscience.

Student: No, it's you. You get this look like you're totally crushed by our behavior, but you stay just as calm as always and it's horrible.

Me: Maybe you should only do things to make me proud then.
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It's easy to forget what influence I have, since teens are loathe to let us know. Reminders like this are both flattering and sobering.

I also had a student thank me for correcting her assignments today. She said it was really helpful to have a teacher who graded for more than just completion. Pretty scary. I have faith in my colleagues, and in the system, but am aware of the need for improvements. Bright kids are woefully under-served by our schools, but average kids get what they need.